Compliments aren't just nice words—they’re a powerful mental fitness tool to strengthen connections, boost wellbeing, and help us notice the good in others (and ourselves!). Whether you’re cheering on a child learning something new or connecting with friends, family, or colleagues, knowing how to give and receive compliments can transform relationships and make everyday life feel brighter.
Compliments play an essential role in nurturing open, supportive communication and creating a foundation of psychological safety. Learning to both give and receive compliments isn’t just a nice-to-have skill—it’s a vital part of building healthy, positive connections where people feel truly valued.
Giving and receiving compliments—why it feels good
When we receive a compliment, we feel valued and appreciated—two core emotional human needs. In the workplace, feeling valued can be the difference between an engaged, well-performing colleague versus a disengaged, under-performing colleague. At home, acknowledging a child’s effort—like noticing how patiently they worked through a tricky homework problem, or how they helped their sibling—can boost their confidence, motivation, and willingness to keep trying.
Not only do we emotionally respond to compliments, but physically, our brain’s response is the same as being paid monetary rewards. Some studies suggest that this brain activity is correlated with higher levels of skills consolidation—an integral type of learning we do in our sleep.
Giving compliments is equally rewarding. Research shows that compliments also improve the giver’s mood, by allowing them to practise gratitude and strengthen their interpersonal relationships.
Why is it so hard to give compliments?
Have you ever had the thought of paying someone a compliment but, instead, chosen to say nothing at all? According to research, it’s usually because of two reasons:
1. Imposter syndrome strikes
When we don’t feel competent enough in a specific subject, skill, or area of expertise, we lack confidence to compliment someone on that subject.
Studies show that this lack of confidence can stop us from offering praise, even when it could make a big difference.
2. We underestimate the impact
Think of a time you were genuinely complimented. You felt pretty good, didn’t you? Try to remember this next time your instinct or worry creeps in, telling you that it may feel awkward or insincere.
Research backs up the natural trend we have to talk ourselves out of paying compliments due to underestimating their impact on others. Chances are, your compliment matters more than you realise.
The power of compliments
When given genuinely, compliments can boost connections, wellbeing, and motivation. Paying even a small compliment can have big benefits—helping us to get the best out of all types of connections, while boosting our own wellbeing along the way.
Compliments are a powerful tool to:
Strengthen self-esteem and confidence
Across research in positive psychology, it’s been found that receiving verbal compliments can have a significant positive impact on how we think of ourselves. Receiving verbal praise not only helps both children and adults feel valued and capable, but studies in developmental psychology highlight that children who receive specific, sincere compliments show increased confidence, are more willing to try new tasks, and are more resilient when facing challenges.
Boost motivation and engagement
When we receive a compliment, the reward centre in our brain activates and dopamine is released. In other words, we feel happier.
Just like when we’re complimented in the office, we’re receiving confirmation that we’re being recognised for our hard work, for kids positive recognition reinforces the behaviours we want to encourage. Calling out a child's persistence on homework, creativity in play, or kindness toward siblings can help makes them feel seen and valued, encouraging them to keep up the good work.
Improve your own wellbeing
Research also shows that offering genuine compliments improves the giver’s mood and wellbeing. This means taking the time to notice and verbalise strengths not only benefits the person receiving the praise but also deepens our own sense of connection, gratitude, and empathy.
How to give a genuine compliment
Offering a genuine compliment starts with noticing and appreciating something specific about someone’s actions, qualities or efforts. Focus on being sincere and authentic, making your praise personal and relevant to the individual. Rather than relying on generic phrases, take the time to highlight exactly what impressed you—whether it’s their creativity, persistence, or positive attitude. When you give a compliment from the heart, it helps build stronger connections and encourages a culture of mutual respect and appreciation.
5 Tips for giving compliments with impact:
- Make it personal
What specific, unique skills or qualities did they display? - Ground your compliments in a specific scenario
When and how did they display them? Reference the exact situation, adding what you observed like "I noticed how you handled that so calmly.” - Deliver it authentically
Use words and body language that feel natural. Hugs, smiles, or eye contact can reinforce your message at home; at work or school, a kind, confident tone helps make it stick.
- Consider the recipient's personality type
Do they like to be publicly recognised? Or, would they prefer a more understated approach like a private conversation, note or email? - Keep it simple
Succinct, specific compliments translate far more genuinely than heaping generic praise on to a person. Keep your compliment short, sharp and sweet.
Receiving compliments is a mental fitness skill, too
Many of us are too quick to diminish, brush off or even feel embarrassed when we receive compliments.
This might be because we’re experiencing imposter syndrome or, we fear accepting the compliment will make us seem arrogant.
Learning to receive recognition graciously is its own skill that can be mastered with practice. Next time someone gives you a compliment, try to remember:
- A simple “thank you” goes a long way
You don’t need to discuss the compliment. A genuine thank you shows you acknowledge and appreciate the kind words. - Explain why the compliment is valuable
If you're ready to take a step past a simple thanks, linking the compliment to a specific feeling, insecurity or challenge you’ve experienced can really show the giver that you’re properly listening and appreciating their words.
“I appreciate you saying that, because I wasn’t sure if that aspect of my talk would make sense. So, thank you!” - Share rather than deflect the compliment
When you want to acknowledge other people’s contributing efforts towards something you’re receiving praise for, don’t diminish your role. Instead, acknowledge and share the compliment.
“Thank you, me and the team worked really hard to get this off the ground, so we appreciate it.” - Appreciate without forced reciprocation
Returning a compliment with one of your own can seem forced and awkward if you don’t genuinely mean it. Learn to be at peace with accepting the words without feeling the pressure to reciprocate.
Ready to take the next step in growing your connections?
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